Thursday, January 29, 2009


I did this thing on Facebook today because, damn, I'm such a zombie. Might as well post it here, too.

25 random things about me

1. I am a study in contradictions, which (of course) both pleases and frustrates me.

2. I have two birthdays -- a legal one on my birth certificate, and the day I was actually born. I don't know how my mom accomplished this, as neither she nor my dad ever explained. I have both worried about it and taken advantage of it.

3. I've published two short stories now. I am at one time very proud and fairly ashamed (see a pattern here?) of the stories.

4. I love to sing. I loved to sing on stage to people. I don't do it anymore because my voice is severely out of condition and it's easier to be shy than risk not doing it well anymore.

5. I love to travel but I hate leaving the house. I carry this little fear that something awful will happen while I'm not looking.

6. I worry. It gets ridiculous sometimes, but I've had just enough bad things happen out of the blue that I feel justified in it.

7. I'm not really crazy about my long hair, but I've never managed a short hairstyle that didn't require lots of maintenance, annoy me with hair in my face, or make my head look teeny. The pinhead look is not flattering.

8. I've managed to forget most of highschool because most of it was crazed, deeply humiliating, or terribly painful.

9. You could not pay me enough to go back to my 20s, but I'd really like to start at 30 and do-over.

10. I'm sometimes stunned by how scared I've been all my life.

11. I empathize too much with tv and movie characters to enjoy a lot of comedies. 'I Love Lucy' episodes are painful. Most clowns make me want to cry.

12. While I've never actually gone up in flames when exposed to sunlight, I still think it is a possibility.

13. Writing is my passion, but the older I get, the less I find I want to talk to anyone through my writing. Writing for myself no longer has appeal, and others seem not to listen, so I stay silent quite a bit.

14. Nothing is quite so hard for me as to ask for attention and regard. I crave it, and I think I deserve it, but asking for it seems to devalue it.

15. I am sometimes amazed I've been married so long. Sometimes it feels like I've always had this other person as part of my life. I don't think I could live happily any other way.

16. I refuse to outgrow my gamer geek, SF loving, con going ways, but I prefer to take advantage of the adult comforts when I do it (bathing, sleeping, moderate drinking).

17. I really love driving fast, but I'm a damn safe driver.

18. I refused to read Jane Austen for years, thinking it was all Girls School English Major Twin set and Pearls garbage. I am now an Austen addict. I do not own a twin set.

19. The Internet has brought me incredible opportunity and too many wasted hours of distraction.

20. I love gadgets! My e-book, my laptop, my Blackberry, my MP3 player, my laser pointer -- all that stuff thrills me. I also love my fountain and dip ink pens, bottles of ink, thick old fashioned creamy paper, and sealing wax.

21. I've worked hard to overcome my blithering idiot tendencies when meeting someone I admire who is well known. I just can't forget that even though I've spent hours thinking about this person, I am just one of so many, and will be forgotten quickly -- and that feels unfair.

22. I sometimes regret not having children, even though I think I would have been a lousy mom. I feel like I've failed my parents, especially my mom, by not carrying any piece of them forward.

23. While I've never thought myself pretty and certainly was not told I was good looking very often (I was 'smart'), I stil managed to be a life study model for a few years. One artist loved my big hips. I have two pictures for which I modeled.

24. Lindt Cherry-Chili dark chocolate is the most perfect form of chocolate. Spiced orange is second, and dark chocolate marzipan is third.

25. I can't quite imagine anyone finding any of this either surprising or interesting, and yet I don't think I'm all that bad. Conflict and contradiction! I wonder who those voices in my head are!

I'm not Sleeping

The cough is better -- just occasional hacking. The head is mostly clear. My day was pretty good.

So why am I not asleep? We went to be around 10-ish, and around midnight I got tired of laying in the bed listening to my heart pound. The Husband wasn't even snoring and kicking.

This is getting pretty old, really. The last few nights, sans heavy Nyquil, my sleep has been fitful at best, full of weird dreams and waking up. It's not even the usual rabbit brain. I'm just not going to sleep in the usual manner.

It's not thrilling me because I am zombie woman in the daytime. I don't let myself nap and I limit my caffeine, and yet my sleep cycle is really wacked.

No insight. Just observing.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Post Virus

The cold has run its course and now only soggy, disgusting leftovers remain. Leftovers that make me cough when I talk or lay down. Even with Nyquil.

My sleep pattern is completely blown. Last night, even drugged, I could not sleep for coughing and The Husband's snoring. I finally went downstairs at about 2 and curled up on the love seat. Within 10 minutes I was covered in cats (who have been banned from the bedroom at night). I slept fitfully until about 7 this morning, when The Husband woke me and sent me back to bed. I slept until about 10:30, woke up, coughed up disgusting stuff, and began my zombie day.

My voice is still scratchy and intermittent, my sinuses show every sign of a secondary infection (I have not been out of the house as far as the driveway since probably last Wednesday) and my life has contracted.

I am, in short, very whiny. With Cats.

Friday, January 23, 2009

News from the Forbidden Zone

When I blow my nose, my head threatens to pop into three parts. I don't care for this.

I've woken myself up with my own congestion induced snoring. Many times. The Husband seems not to notice, but then, he can't hear me over his own snoring.

Cats keep walking on me.

I hate headcolds.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dear Mr. President

I've never watched an inauguration speech. I watched yours. I was proud. I still am.

I don't expect you to be perfect. I'm pretty sure there will be promises you want to make that you won't be able to keep. I'm betting you'll screw up a few things. You'll have to make some really hard choices. Sometimes the choice will be between doing one bad thing and doing another.

Just be honest. Honest until it hurts, maybe. Respect me and the other citizens of this country, that we know things and we think things. Respect that we may not have all the facts you have, but neither do we have the spin and the filters to which you will be subject. Don't think we are stupid, and don't treat us that way.

Good luck, Mr. President. I haven't been proud to say that for a long while now. Good luck.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It's My Party

I'll post cat pictures if I want to...

Caliban is calming down for the most part. He's learning that cuddling with the humans has positive aspects, that he likes crackers and leafy greens, and that waking up the humans in the early morning by attacking the other cats is a BAD idea.

He's even easing off with the biting/scratching thing and learning to meow when he wants down or is tired of being petted.

Yeah, he's domesticating.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Movie Overdose

Jozer the Jozarian came to hang for the weekend, arriving late Friday. We'd planned the Weekend of Sloth -- The Husband dug up a recipe for Priazzo. In the 80's when I dated the Psycho Boyfriend, I lived on Priazzo. I suspect a good 30 lbs of me is made up of cheese and pepperoni. Omi. Was good.

Movies consumed --

Kiki's Delivery Service (cute, leans toward the annoying)
Naussicaa of the Valley of the Winds (VERY good)
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (what's not to like?)
Twister (Special Effects!)
Nanny McPhee (with the excellent commentary track)
High Society (Grace Kelly!)
Godzilla vs. King Kong (showing Joezer The WORST Bluescreen effects EVER)

We tried to watch Wall-E, but neither DVD player liked the disc. I'm sort of reluctant to see that movie anyway -- I know I'll end up crying over animated robots, and I'm just not up to it. Maybe I mentally kept the DVD players from working, although, I SWEAR, I never touched the disk.

I think we watched some other movies in there but I can't remember, and after Joezer left, The Husband and I were overcome with desire to see the Star Wars Trilogy (we conked out just before the final battle in Return of the Jedi. Luckily we both knew who won.)

This morning I feel like I have a hangover.

Friday, January 09, 2009


Psuedo post, because I like this one.

Haiku2 for formyselfandstrangers
and that means she starts
picking at everything
and inventing things
Created by Grahame

Thursday, January 08, 2009


Weblog wise, last year was pretty quiet. Once I got through whining, I really didn't have much to say.

I still don't seem to have much to say. In fact, looking back over my archives, I can't declare that I ever had THAT much to say. I just spent a lot of time warbling the little I had. But I certainly felt like I had TONS to say and that it was important and I'd die if I didn't say it.

So now I'm reflecting on the whole blogging thing. This incarnation of the weblog started at the end of 2003, and I had about 4 years before that in a previous incarnation or two. At the end of 2002 I came to a point where I felt I had no more to say to the world, and 9 months later, I was ready to talk again. Since then, I've had various moments of more or less to say.

I guess it's because right now there is very little going on in my life, and there has been very little going on for the past 6 months. I go few places. I talk to few people. My life is mostly online and in the house, and there's not much reason to leave the house or have life elsewhere. I'm not reading or writing much, which is sort of a waste. I keep trying, and keep distracting myself with stupid Facebook apps. I don't link to other blogs anymore, even when someone says something interesting. I don't talk to the imaginary "you" out there because I figure there are perhaps 6 people who check here these days, and they mostly hear from me, when I say anything, via other conduits. There are no burning questions. I don't feel like my day to day events warrant reporting.

I haven't made any decisions about this. I haven't got the mind to make a decision or change anything. I'm just thinking about it.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Little Things

I just realized that South Carolina -- at least the Upstate area -- has no 7-11s. None.

Those stores are a cornerstone of my life in Florida. Gone.

No Borders here, either. Not in the whole state.

It's barely civilized. At least they still have the occasional Publix.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

First Post of 2009

And how's THAT for an original post title?

The evening passed quietly with movies and computer games and the occasional explosion outside. Not nearly as many explosions as I expected, given the area, and none at the actual midnight hour. Either everyone went to bed, passed out drunk, or killed themselves during those early evening explosions. We drank a toast at midnight, watched the end of the movie, and went to bed.

Slept in this morning until the boy cats decided that the bed was THE spot for all-house cat wrestling. I've taken down the Christmas tree, put away the few decorations, and now the house looks pretty much like it did before. More or less. Needs vacuuming. Tomorrow.