Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Because it always works

Oh, remember those new glasses I bought because my glasses vanished? And I said as soon as I bought the new ones, the old ones would appear?

The old ones appeared. Mysteriously. In a place I'd not only looked in about 7 times, but that I'd pulled out everything around it, above it, and near it to look.

Yes, I was walking through the bedroom when I noticed a little black bag with a pull string laying on the floor just peeking from under the footboard of the bed. My glasses in their little special silky bag thing. I cleaned that area not three days before. I pulled out the matress, thinking maybe they'd slid down between it and the footboard. There were no glasses there. There were shoes, a couple of storage boxes, a mountain of cat hair and a couple of very fierce dustbunnies, but no glasses.


I'm still saying interdimensional transfer. Once I replaced them they got worried about losing their job and hurried back. They are now in the drawer as the "stunt glasses".

Monday, June 26, 2006

And now -- Tiger Piggies

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and thoughts. I do appreciate them.

And now, for something funny.

'Tis done and tis done for the best

Concert is over. Tears were cried. Touching goodbyes were said. I talked to my ensemble leaders. Both want me to sing with them at Christmas, but I left it open if they want to replace me.

And Dr. Hottie-the-director shall, most likely, never be seen again. And that really makes me sad, not just because I really liked looking at him, but because he is a geniunely nice man and I wish I could have known him better.

Someone mentioned I should audition for the Orlando Chorale. We shall see.

Tired. I am tired.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


Well, after tomorrow night, I will no longer sing with the Orlando Gay Chorus. I will let my ensemble leaders know. I'm not making a point of "announcing" it, as I think that's tacky. Those few who need to know will know, the majority don't care, and that's it.

Maybe I'll come back to audition after the next new director has gotten through the trial by fire. I don't know.

Staying with the chorus has always been a "by my fingernails" thing. I figure of the 7 concerts I've done, I've been able to seeing the majority of the program just once. My ego won't take it. It's wearing on my voice. It's wearing on me.

And The Husband won't be teaching yoga there anymore and doesn't want to work in support, so that's one more straw. I'm not getting enough out of it anymore to justify the effort I'm putting in, at least not right now.

But I can't help feeling I'm damaging something I believe in by leaving. My sensible side says I don't have that kind of influence, my belonging doesn't have that level of meaning, and that everyone will be just fine if I'm not there. Maybe I'd liked to be missed by more than 3 or 4 people, but that's just ego.

So it goes. Tonight, then tomorrow night, then...

update: First concert went well, as far as I know. I missed one cue. As far as the rest of the chorus, I'm in full avoidance mode. Tomorrow is the day of truth and consequences.

Friday, June 23, 2006


Dr. Hottie-the-director announced last night that, contrary to his previous plans, he will not be continueing with the chorus. He's been offered a position out of state at a big university. Obviously, that's where he goes.

I am not happy.

I worked very hard to get acceptance from those people in the chorus I could influence. The first season was really hard with all the negative talk and my own constant struggle to stay with the chorus despite the difficulties it presents to me (both from the distance and from a musical standpoint...I AM NOT A TENOR!). I was debating leaving the folk ensemble this season but decided to stick it out. I was thinking I'd stay so I could continue working with this director.

My enthusiasm is being sucked away.

I do NOT want to go through another new-director adjustment period so soon, at least as it stands now. I really, really like. Dr. Hottie and while I know this is the way of things, I'm upset that he's leaving so soon. I'm mad at the Florida schools who wouldn't hire him so he could stay in this area. I feel generally mistreated by the universe.

Oh, and the story I submitted was rejected. Time to figure out where to send it next. *sigh*

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I (heart) Lenscrafters

Well, Monday my glasses vanished. They were in their case, with the clip ons. Last I saw them, they were in my purse. Now they are...nowhere.

This happened with my prescription sunglasses back in February. One moment I had them, then I moved, and they shifted dimensions, never to return. I got cheapie clip ons for the regular glasses, and I made it a few more months.

Since I cannot drive without glasses -- it's on my license -- and rehearsal is TOMORROW instead of TODAY and The Husband teaches yoga tomorrow, I needed to be able to drive. So, Emergency Glasses. We drove to the mall, with my last prescription in hand (I have an appt. for the doctor next week, since it's been 4 years since the last prescription). Lenscrafters will let me change the prescription within 30 days or 3 months or something.

I got the glasses with the magnetic clip on sunglasses. They are rather masculine for my face, but they WORK, they didn't cost an arm and a leg, and I can SEE to drive.

This is my life.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Will the Fat Lady Sing Already?

Concert weekend coming up. Not really enthused for this concert. The rehearsals have felt hurried and pressured and hard. A lot of the music is difficult and I'm not comfortable with most of it. It's a very ambitious program for a short rehearsal period.

I am having a huge case of Don't Give A Fuck. Full blown, with spots. I'm just ready to have it be over for a while. I don't like how I sound, I don't like much of the music we are doing, and I feel really, really, really unprepared. I don't even know how some of the pieces sound from beginning to end.


Even Mr. Hottie the Director isn't as much fun to look at. That's how bad it is.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Father's Day

From The Writer's Almanac

Poem: "March 8" by David Lehman from The Evening Sun: A Journal in Poetry. © Scribner Poetry.

March 8

Every so often my father comes over
for a visit he hangs his overcoat and hat
on my hat rack I brief him on recent
developments and serve us coffee
he is surprised that I like to cook
once when he made an omelette
he flipped it in the air much to my delight
and it landed on the floor yes that
was the summer of 1952, he remembered
the high breakers and how fearless
I was running into the ocean anyway
the important thing is to see you doing
so well he said and took his coat and hat
and left before I remembered he was dead

Friday, June 16, 2006

Why do the Crazies get Control?


My Beloved Monster & Me: Too Far

Someone is so insecure or just plain evil as to ANNOUNCE they will attack a 6 year old child and BEAT her? And on the Internet?

I'd be hunting ISPs. I'd be informing the police. I'd be taking this damned seriously. Ya know, threatening children is usually considered an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY.

I'm hoping and praying for Rob and Schuyler and Julie right about now. There are crazies everywhere. Threatening an adult blogger on line is one thing. Threatening his child is a completely different sort of thing.

And you know what? I think it is the crazy who is wrong. Why do we have to hide all our information, all our facts, to protect ourselves? Why are the crazies in power and the non-crazies helpless?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I made it through the rain

What's left of the storm has moved away from us. It's very DAMP here -- still occasional rain bands drifting through -- but that's not a bad thing.

I'm wondering what's next.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I'm Impressed

Alberto puts Florida on storm watch

Not even into the middle of JUNE and we have a storm. Hot damn!

I'm not sayin' nuthin'

I'm not posting much, I'm sure you've noticed. Part of that is I'm not sitting around in moods of deep self-reflection. Part is not much is going on. And part is I'm Not Saying Things.

In capitol letters.

You know and I know that 80% of content on the average blog is ranting, raving, pointing, snickering, insulting, or otherwise reacting in a hurt or angry manner about...anything. And everything. Sometimes it's just irritation taking a drive in witty clothing. Sometimes it is diatribe. Sometimes it's just assholery on parade. But often a blog exists because the person who writes it gets angry and vents for the amusement of others.

Well, lately all my venting is about other people. People who are known to people who might possibly slip by and read this weblog of mine. People who don't talk to me otherwise and so have no context for what I might say. People who might possibly not like what I say, or chose to interpret it in a way designed to ensure they won't like it, or whatever mental games might go on. Maybe. Possibly.

And I'm just not interested enough to spend time being concerned about it, looking at it, hearing about it, or otherwise being involved. So I'm Not Saying Anything.

I've gone through bouts of that before, where I don't say things I think about because I am responsible for what I say and I have enough ego to think/fear that someone might give a flying squirrel's ass about it. Part of me retorts with a witty and cutting "Oh yeah?" followed by "you are assuming someone who cares reads all this tripe." And, of course, those of you who, like me, do not suffer from self esteem can follow the internal conversational trail from that point.

But I still take responsibility for what I say, especially in a public venue. I have a right to what I think, and the freedom to say it (in whatever coded, obscure, euphemistic manner I chosse). So, I won't just blurt out every honest momentary thought that crosses my mind unless I'm quite sure that anyone who might remotely make my life itchy and uncomfortable about it is well out of earshot.

Which means I'm not saying much.

Monday, June 05, 2006

And now - more smoke and mirrors!

I don't post politically, mostly because I feel dirty anytime I do (like I've rolled in slime), BUT....

Our President Is Going To Save Us From The Horror of Gay Marriage

Go tell it on the mountain, hallelhujah. Barf.

I suspect this is supposed to rally all the terrified Very Concervatives who fear their asses (or the asses of their children) are in peril from the Pink Tide, or something. I suspect this is supposed to be a new Morality.

I suspect this is intended to distract the American People (great, dumb beast that it is) from things like the WAR we are losing that, really, we shouldn't have started. From the healthcare fewer and fewer of us can afford. From the rising deficit. From all manner of political shinnanigins. If we are all scared of "The GAYS who MARRY" we won't be THINKING of all THAT stuff.


Like we have nothing better to do with our government but get involved in this shit. I'm pro gay marriage. I'm pro marriage. I say, hell yeah, get 'em registered and get it over with and put time and energy toward doing something USEFUL like, say, making sure people aren't dying from preventable diseases or can afford to have a job AND a place to live or....


Sunday, June 04, 2006


Husband and I drove 4 hours south to Ft. Lauderdale to hear Fushu Daiko-Taiko.

An afternoon emersed in Japanese culture is not wasted, even if we had Burger King for dinner instead of sushi. I love this style of drumming more than most any I've experienced. It was very different from the Kodo Taiko I saw a few years ago, but in ways I thought were good. This is an American troupe, and in particular a Florida troupe, with a lot of South American influences which I really enjoyed.

Husband said I was jittering the whole way. I don't remember. The one thing I DO remember is that American Audiences Need Applause Lessons.

Let's skip the whole Standing Ovation thing. I haven't been to or participated in a concert or play in the last 8 years that didn't get a standing ovation. It don't mean a thing no more. It's like tipping -- now, if you don't stand, you are rude.

Let's get to the clapping. First, it is not always necessary to clap in the middle of a performance. Second, you should wait until the particular song is over before applauding.

Here is the tried and true method of Knowing When To Applaud.

1) Whenever you feel suddenly compelled to clap, count slowly to five while sitting on your hands.
2) If the music/performance is actually over, you can pull your hands out.
3) Take a deep, slow, breath. At least pretend to be awed into silence by the brilliance you've witnessed.
4) if there is a conductor or director, check that he/she has dropped his/her arms and turned around to look at the audience. This is a CUE that the music/performance is over for the moment.
5) If there is ample evidence that the performance is over, you may clap.

Trust me, the average performer on stage isn't going to leave before you can applaud. You have time. Far better to be late applauding than be the idiot who claps in a rest or during a dramatic pause. You can always tell who isn't paying attention in the audience because they start clapping at the wrong time.