Wednesday, April 14, 2004


While at the pet store yesterday picking up some bird seed and some cat nip and some fuzzy mice for an experiment, I met a walking stereotype.

She was somewhere in her late 40's/early 50s, but only because she was born that way. She was perhaps 5'4 and a chubby 160 or so. Her willpower blonde hair was poufed 8 inches off her scalp in all directions -- I was both daunted and impressed. Her bronzed skin showed some signs of surgical intervention, as did the weighty breasts filling the orange satin bra she wore. I know she had on an orange satin bra because she also had on an orange sweater with only one sleeve -- the other having never been added so as to create a sexy bare shoulder look.

I don't think an orange bra was really a part of the original look, but maybe she was taking a cue from Madonna or something.

She was also wearing tight capris and metallic leather loafers, and she was loaded with gold jewelry. Her make up was much in keeping with the rest of her look -- eyebrows dragqueen high, metallic lipstick and eyeshadow around heavy mascera, bold unblended blocks of blush on her cheeks, and her inch-and-a-half curved claws were painted in gold-sheen metallic scenes with what looked like Oriental style flowers. She was wearing some kind of perfume that made me wonder what she'd stepped in. It wasn't exactly STINKY, but it had...spring garden overtones.

However, she was cheerful and pleasant, if a little overly perky, exclaiming over some stretch dog collars made of layered sheer triangles of pastel frou-frou and spangles in the shape of bunnies, chickies and stars -- Easter Dog Costumes -- trying to find one "macho" enough for her Boxer. Any self-respecting Macho dog would have peed on her gold tone loafers. She regaled us with tales of her dog and his musical toys, one of which played "In Your Easter Bonnet" over and over again.

When I left, I saw her Boxer in her car -- a pearl white, late model Cadillac. He was a hefty dog, good looking, with a worried expression. I half expected him to look at his gold Rolex and honk the horn. He should have been wearing a golf shirt, which I'm sure she has in his Dog Costume Closet. Apparently his Christmas outfit was a big hit.

She is SO going into a story some day. I think I'll name her Roxie, although her real name will be something like Gerdie.

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