Every few weeks I get a little reality check about my own mortality. My hair grows out enough that my ever-increasing grey roots show and I must decide if I want to dye my hair again.
My hair has really gone grey the last few years, but not in an attractive way. No, I have the whole grizzled, salt-n-pepper look, my natural chestnut shade either fading to a steely color or darkening closer to black. I don't find this change very charming. It's not that I protest the greying of my hair -- that stared when I was 17 and I'm sort of used to the idea. It's how UGLY the particular grey I'm getting looks. It's not white. It's not silver. It's really, really grey, like white sheets washed in dirty water.
It's also sprinkled in weird patches. I started greying at the crown of my head. It's just now reached my temples with little streaks. It hasn't quite made paths on the back or sides. That just looks weird. It's almost like someone dribbled bleach on my hair.
So, I'm in the middle of my debate right now. I have a box of hair color sitting by my bathroom sink. Dying my hair is some work, because I have a lot of hair. It's now officially down to my butt and has to be pulled free of any waist band. Yeah, it needs a serious trim, too. So, it's a pain to do it. Am I bowing to societal pressure to stay young looking? Is it so deep in my psyche that I can't overcome or resist? Or is it just my personal aesthetic that says my hair looks ugly with its scattered dirty grey?
Seriously, every time I wait and wait until I have a good inch or two of roots to see if either the grey has increased to overcome the dark, or has lightened somehow to look less dingy. The increase I see, the color change I don't. And I debate using those chemicals on my hair. Should I stop now? Should I just quit messing and do it regularly? Maybe I'll follow my mother's lead and dye my hair until I turn 50, never letting anyone know about my grey. Of course, my mom's grey came in at the temples and was pure white. Dad, on the other hand, epitomized "grizzled". Guess who I'm taking after?