Thursday, May 14, 2009

Do I Even Exist Anymore?

Funny how this thing is working out. Once upon a time I could not wait to come here and talk to the world, or at least the 6 people in it I knew. I could write about nothing much at all, but I simply had to talk about it. Be it something I saw on the road, or a random thought, or something I'd done, I had to come here and tell everyone.

Not so much anymore. Oh, things still go on -- The Husband is in Florida this week; I tried putting a leash on Caliban, since Ben is enjoying his outside-on-a-leash time; my garden is fantastically beautiful and the back patio a little oasis; I'm taking a writing class online; I've just finished a bio of 18th century novelist Fanny Burney and am now reading one about Jane Austen; I watched Katharine Hepburn movies most of Tuesday; my kitchen is really disgusting and I have to clean it; same with the living room.

See? Same things I used to talk about for lines and lines. Now, I don't really think they are interesting to anyone but me. So, silence.

No, I'm not going to take the weblog down. Not even a consideration. I don't really feel like disappearing, or demonstrating my relative unimportance in the world, or a virtual suicide, or anything like that. Not really interested there, either. There's not much to complain about. I'm not angry or frustrated. It's just everything would be like this:

There is a pair of morning doves hanging around lately. They like my bird feeder, but the smaller birds chase them off. Must refill it. Lynn will probably want to walk today -- I've walked with her twice this week. Then again, it looks cloudy and might rain.

And, really, what's up with that?

And it isn't like I'm silent. I'm busy on Goodreads. I'm keeping up a lively email conversation with someone. I'm posting in my online classroom. I'm writing at least three pages of something every day.

There's just not much to be said here. Not much that can be said to whatever image I have in my head of who I am talking to. In part, it's the unspoken gag rule of The Husband's university career. I don't speak plainly because I shouldn't. That means I have little to say, because who knows what will be taken in what way and right now it matters.

I did find out yesterday that Bosszilla has bought himself a race horse.

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