Monday, September 29, 2008

Things Worth Living For

Yin Yang Devil Duckie

Because I want that "Zen" theme in my bathroom. No, really.

Blue Q

Because I can irritate a lot of people with this stuff.

The TMI Edition

I dreamed last night that I was going to vomit. I woke up, realizing I was about to vomit.

I didn't actually vomit, but I got the whole acid-in-the-throat thing, and lots of nasal drip which kept me awake a while coughing and trying not to cough. My throat still feels a little burned today.

In general, YECH!

I Went Outside

And Wal-Mart is unspeakably lame. I just *love* that blank smile they give you when it's easier to answer your question with "No, we don't have that" than it is to check.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Plans for the Week

Woo hoo, actual reasons to leave the house this week!

Monday -- I am on a search for a copy of "Spirited Away". For reasons unknown, despite really loving this movie, we don't have a copy. This must end!

Tuesday -- therapy session that morning. Wee. Must talk about the panic thing.

Wednesday -- Appointment at the university to see about getting into the master's degree program.

That's enough for one week, I think. Wow, haven't had that much to do in...a long, long while.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Three things.

1) Applied for a job that might be a bit above my actual skill levels. Did it anyway. That's six jobs I've applied for at Clemson. Still nothing back on any of them, which I am told is normal. HR there moves at a glacial pace (pre Global warming).

2) Inquired about the Master's Degree in Professional Communications. The Husband pointed out the proper person to contact and helped with the letter. No vomiting.

3) The Husband also suggested I keep the depressing stuff off the writing blog, so I removed a post I'd made about how I didn't know what to write in the blog. I replaced it today with a very neutral (aka, damn boring) post about my current project.

Now to see if anything comes of this sudden burst of energy.

In other news, I've misplaced whatever sense of humor I had. I think I need to make cakes.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The State of the Life

OK. I've been in South Carolina now for 5 months. I can't find a job, I have few friends, I do nothing much all day. My concentration, always a problem, comes and goes. I'm contemplating a return to school, but the idea of contacting someone to figure out applying makes my stomach roil and my eyes unfocus. The SAM-E is good -- I'm not in the dark like I was over most of the summer -- but I'm still undirected, down on myself, and having difficulty with simple things like thinking and having a little confidence. Yes, I'm about to have a story published, but it's not a story about which I feel comfortable talking. I won't show it to my mom-in-law.

The universe is trying to hand me things, I know it, but I just don't seem able to grab. It's like I don't know how my hands work.

So I sit around getting older and fatter and feeling less and less in touch with the world. Going to therapy, because of the insurance problems, isn't really helping much.

The afternoon sun is lovely through the window. Autumn coolness blows through the window. I have a spicy candle burning, scenting the air with apple and cinnamon. The world is really not against me. The problems are all inside my head. I just need my ladder again.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Random Entertainment

Ok this has kept me occupied.

You can just call me Buzzsaw Belladonna Barntoter from now on...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008


I just read it on someone's blog. "Staying in my comfort zone is what it's all about."

And I realized that, for me at least, that's exactly what I've been doing and it's making me crazy. No, seriously, it's all bad for me.

Perhaps it is because I've been pushed so far out of my familiar life. The Husband remarked the other day, when talking about how my direction sense is confused because I no longer live in a house that faces north or south. The last 20 years of my life were spent oriented that way -- really, straight on the north/south. Dad's house faced north, our home in Florida faced south. Before that, I lived in an east facing house. That's the house I was an upset, unsettled, slightly crazy teenager. Before that I don't remember.

Anyway, I had oriented the places in my life on that north/south axis. In my mind, when trying to imagine a route somewhere, I faced south or north.

Now, we face east. The driveway is on the east side. I can't get my thinking reoriented.

And my husband said "Our entire lives have been turned 90 degrees. Not 180 degrees -- we aren't going in the opposite direction. We are going on an entirely new angle."

Which is why I'm thinking about comfort zones. I've built myself a little cocoon here. It was necessary, I think. But now it's tight in here. It's suffocating. I need to get out.

Butterfly? Maybe not. But something with wings would be nice.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Next Time Around I Want To Be

Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...

Starfleet Crewperson

51% Intrigue, 59% Civilization, 66% Humanity, 50% Urbanization.

As Mister Spock would say: Fascinating. It seems you've managed to hit the edge of the curve on all metrics. An extraordinary life is almost certain.

According to your answers, you want it all, you want a lot of it, and you're willing to do what it takes to get it! Adventure! Romance! Technology! Challenge! You love civilization. You like people. You love the complications and joys of a big, weird crowd of humans plus lots of other beings wandering into dangerous and complicated corners of the galaxy.

There is an ideal place for you, and you are ideal for it: Welcome to the crew of the starship Enterprise. Captain Kirk would have welcomed you aboard himself, but his head was too big to fit in the landing bay.

Take Reincarnation Placement Exam at HelloQuizzy

Monday, September 08, 2008

Story 2

My life has rumbled down to an amazing level of nothing much happening. I don't even have the momentary interruption of Bosszilla to brighten by day (and make me question my grip on reality). He does call about once a week to say he misses me.

Another goodie of DragonCon was meeting Rachel Caine. She's not only a terrific lady, but her Weatherwarden series have completely changed how I look at weather. I can't see clouds without a brief ponder as to how mad they are.

In return for having her sign some 6 books for me, I traded my husband (well, a hand and arm massage from my husband. That's him all shirtless. Back off.)

That is her toy animatronic dinosaur. I fell in love with the toy. He moves! He blinks! He purrs! He is rechargeable!

And For Le Becs: Men In Kilts

Monday, September 01, 2008

Story 1

For which I have no photographic evidence, although I did try.

Friday I went to help out my friend Book Pimp at DragonCon. I wore one of my favorite t shirts, a grey shirt with the slogan "Careful or you'll end up in my novel."

Later in the day, an older man wandered into the booth. He had on the same shirt and we joked about it. His name tag was turned around on a lanyard. He untwisted it.

The man was Harry Turtledove. The booth was too busy for me to grab a photo, though.

I have been thinking about reading Turtledove for a long while now. He's popular with some of my friends. I picked up "The Beginning of the End" and "Guns of the South".