Saturday, August 02, 2008

I Snark with Love

There are people I know, however slightly or however well, who I like and even respect, and yet piss me off on a rotating schedule. I'm serious. These folks are funny, bright, sharp, and generous, but they have particular blind spots or touchy places that exactly coincide with my touchy places and blind spots. This means they will occasionally say or do something in all sincerity and strong belief, and it will just drop my lollipop in the dirt.

It pisses me off.

I say "pisses me off" as opposed to "makes me angry" because "being pissed" is a more temporary emotional state. Just like going pee will relieve a full bladder, spouting off some words will relieve the pissiness. It just goes away like it never was. It will come again, of course, but for right now, who cares?

I suspect that I LIKE these people simple because they CAN piss me off. That is, I am not indifferent to what they say or what they think. It matters to me. I've worked hard most of my life to develop an armorlike indifference to what most people think, say, do, or smell like. Once upon a time I cared DEEPLY, even BLEEDINGLY, what the grocery store clerk or the mailman thought of me. Now? Feh. Not really. They have their own lives and their own concerns, very few of which have anything to do with me. In fact, they may not even be aware of me as I momentarily flit through their lives. They are busy. They don't care, so why should I? If they do care, well, I don't, and that's how it is.

However,f someone doesn't care so much that they cut me off in traffic or snag the last Lindt Chocolate Chili Cherry bar from my fingers -- that will not piss me off. That will Make Me Angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. That's a whole 'nuther thing with no relationship to the rest of this. trust me. It's about the chocolate, not the person.

So when I do let what someone says or thinks or does piss me off, it's practically a sign of respect.
When one of these good people speaks words I cannot believe they believe, or does something that makes me want to scream "DON'T GO IN THERE. THAT'S WHERE THE AX MURDERER IS HIDING, YOU IDIOT!" -- well, it's because I care. I'm worried about them. In my little world, I see Someone I Like making what I see as A Big Mistake, and I don't want them to get hurt, or to carry pain they don't deserve, or suffer some catastrophe, or even be unhappy.

So, if I think it's going to happen and my paranoia trigger goes off, I get pissed.

If I get pissed at any of you at some point in the future, or if you suspect I've gotten pissed at you at some point in the past (and you give a braided rat's ass), just keep in mind -- I snark with love.

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