Thursday, December 06, 2007

Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah! Part 1

Hmm. People fear the lie. Odd, that, because we are all accustomed to lies, in all their myriad shapes, sizes, colors and uses.


Three Lies About Buzz

1) Buzz achieved notoriety in his youth by reenacting Lady Godiva's famous ride through the streets of Coventry, clad only in his nose hair. There were no reports of anyone being struck blind for peeking, and rumor has it that he earned about $15 in singles stuffed into his horse's girth strap.

2) Buzz rose to a brief and giddy fame as a drag queen couturier in Chicago in July of 1987, known mostly for his highly imaginative use of chicken feathers, soup can tops, and iridescent sequins. He was unseated from his throne by a designer known as Pu-Pu and a fall in the chicken feather market.

3) Chief Buzz Paheka Odonkedonk, leader of the little known and mostly non-existant Padonkadonk hapu of the Maoiri, publicly failed in eight of his last ten attempts to hunt and kill a great boar. His two successes were both later revealed to involve prepackaged soy bacon.

Three Lies about Scott

1) While he never allows his own name to be used in the credits, preferring to work under the alias Slobomor Scovotnick, Scott was a popular character actor in Russian Westerrn films. He was distinguished by a convincing Tex-Czech accent, and played such diverse roles as the hog-killing bounty hunter in Большие пушки на лошадях and the school marm in Повелительница имеет усик.

2) Scott has written, produced, and done the lead voice acting in a series of audio-only self help books for rodents. His most popular titles (via are "Big Balls, Big Hearts: A Guide to Gerbil Polyamory" and "Seeds and Weeds: Getting into the Birdfeeder You Want".

3) Scott is frequently called upon for his diplomatic skills as emissary between the US and the island of Ikkiput, one of the less reputable of the Antipodal Islands (49.69° S 178.74° E) in the South Seas. This island was declared in 2001 to be part of the Rhomboid of Evil by President Bush when CIA reports indicated that the Ikkiputtians were secretly stockpiling Dixie Chick cds as part of a Weapons of Mass Destruction plan.

Do you want some lies of your own? Post a comment.

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