Saturday, December 22, 2007

And What Have You Done?

I've donated 20180 grains of rice.

I've got a lot of things on my mind currently -- The Husband departs for locations northward in a little less than 2 weeks and he has nothing packed. We need to get the security system turned back on, which means getting a land line turned on for the house (haven't had one of those in 5 years or so). Need to get back on the packing-up-to-move bandwagon and start stacking boxes in the garage. House needs cleaning, which I am barely inclined to do.

And then there are the things I want to do but haven't -- books to read, writing to write, organizing to be organized. To save money, I'm going to be shutting down the HVAC and using fans or space heaters for the rooms I'm in. I'm emptying and closing down part of the house, which means more packing. Our income is about to be slashed by three quarters, so living in this house is going to be problematic if I can't control my expenses. That means trying not to HAVE any expenses per se.

On top of that are a couple of less pleasant issues with family that must be dealt with, for which I have no energy left. There are the usual burdens of this time of year -- thoughts of my mom, my dad, even my pets now gone. The day is grey, chilly and damp. I have to plan defenses against my own propensity for depression. I have to take on duties that were never mine before. I've never actually lived by myself for any extended period of time -- my life has been, for all the difficulties, relatively sheltered. So this will be a difficult time as I adjust to being on my own for more than a few weeks. Even though the Husband will be visiting as much as he can, we can't afford a lot of weekends home.

The house must sell. It must sell soon. I've lived, it feels like, on the edge of a cliff for a year now, teetering, waiting to fall off and see if I can fly. I can't crawl back to the flatland behind me, but I can't get airborne either. The particular tension of having to hold on to the edge takes all my effort to withstand and maintain. Nothing I do or can do will make a difference (unless I win the lottery.)

So I think I'll donate some more rice.

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