Have you ever lived waiting on an "if"? You know what I mean. There's a fork in the road ahead of you, and a question to be answered before you know which way you are turning.
April is my month of If.
I've not talked about this big If very much, although I've known about it and have been waiting for it since last September. Only a few friends know. It's a very, very large if, this particular if that's coming up this month. The interesting part is, from this single If, The Husband and I have been spinning a whole blanket of other ifs.
Nothing is particularly certain except one thing -- we want a change. A big change. A life changing change. Our "here and now" is no longer a happy one, no longer a source of either contentment or expansion. So we set some things in motion and the first ripple should be hitting our shore. Then we'll know how the tide is going.
Aren't I good with the obscure metaphors? I've got reason to be obscure, as this is a public weblog and there are (one or two) people who would have great interest in our plans that would not be to OUR best interests. So, I'm obscure to defend against that outside chance.
However, we have been spinning plans and alternatives to plans and alternatives to our alternatives. It's very exciting, a little scary (ok, a lot scary at times) and yet the idea of changing our lives this way is something we are grabbing at, not dreading. Neither of us are particularily good with change -- we tend toward the safe, the static, the comfortable -- but we are welcoming these changes.
So, April has the first "if". When that's answered, there will be other "ifs" coming along, each to be handled and each holding a decision to be made. I feel like I'm entering a new land with no road map, just a set of landmarks. As I get to each one, I'll have to scout ahead and pick the next path.