Friday, February 18, 2005


I've been contemplating the many advantages I have as a straight girl in a gay chorus. There are some, honestly.

First, gay men in general smell better. I learned this when I was 16. Gay men will go to the good counter in the department store and test every single bottle of cologne -- including some for women -- until they find THE smell. And then they wear just enough to make your heart skip a little beat when you hug them.

Husband will wear what I buy him, or will go to WalMart and find Stetson or something -- which is fine, just ain't the same thrill. I'm smell conscious.

Second, there are many fine looking men in the chorus, all of whom I am free to appreciate without any obligation whatsoever. If I admire straight men, well, it can get complicated for a number of reasons. Gay men really don't care. They just want to hear how beautiful you think they are. I can do that.

Third, gay men will hug and kiss for just no reason at all. They will tell you that you look beautiful even if you are pretty sure they are bullshitting you, but they will certainly SOUND sincere. Since they aren't trying to get you into bed, you can just take the compliment and run.

Now, I should mention there are many gay women in the chorus (known as lesbians, in the complicated language of sexual politics, although they are still gay, "Gay" means a guy and a lesbian doesn't usually carry a purse...and it gets really complicated). I like lesbians, I should mention. They know how to flirt, for one thing, and they know you can flirt and not mean an damn thing by it. They are very commitment oriented.

Gay people, in general, are as diverse as straight people, even considering that there is a whole range of orientations if you use the Kinsey Scale. Some guys are what I call "Twee" -- not flaming, but gay with matching throwpillows and a dust ruffle; not squealling and mincing, but with the ability to go from John Wayne to Liberace with the right music. Others are mucho macho, others are two ovaries away from being women with plumbing issues. It's fasinating -- and fairly disturbing to preconceived notions. And, what's even more fun, is that despite the chorus being majority male, we are all just "the girls". Work THAT one out.

One member of the chorus I will call The Bod. He's in his mid-late fifties, but from the neck down he's 25, and ooooo what a 25 he is. And I can look all I want. I can even give him backrubs without any worries at all.

Just one of the advantages of being in a gay chorus.

No comments: