Thursday, December 11, 2003

Blood Post

Warning. This post is about blood. Them as don't wanna know should maybe go here

You've been warned.

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I'm bleeding again.

It started the day before yesterday. I was hopeful. Perhaps my period was re-establishing itself. Things have been rather hit-n-miss in the post miscarriage recovery hormone normalization stage. So, I wasn't worried about it at all.

Even when I woke up around 3 am because I knew my "protection" had flooded and was about to create disaster. So, ok, I haven't had a normal period in three months, it might be a little...exuberant.

Now I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong. The bleeding is getting heavy. Not to "blorp" level, but uncomfortably heavy, in the overflow all bounds and get the underclothes stained way. I'm going to give it the weekend. If it gets better, great. If it doesn't change, I call the doctor on Monday. If it gets worse -- I'll get to visit the ER. I haven't seen the new ER. They were moving into the new building the last time I was there (and I mean, they were two days from moving the last stuff over).

So what does it mean anyway? One of the fibroid tumors having a good time? Something gone very bad? I can't (and I do mean CAN'T) be pregnant again and doing another miscarriage. I KNOW this without doubt (and very much dislike it, but it's damned hard to feel sexy and loving and all when you are bleeding every single damned day.) So far there is no pain, none of the twisting oh there's something wrong here aching and cramping and yuck. So Far.

I would like to resume my regular, ordinary, biological cycle. I really don't think it's asking all that much. Millions and millions of women are managing it. Hell, I did it with nary a snag for some 24 years. I'm tired of fucking BLEEDING. I'm tired of not FUCKING, actually. I'm pretty weary with the WHOLE DAMN THING.

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