Tuesday, November 25, 2003

An Open Letter

Dear Xkot

I guess the problem, Xkot, is that you are Godlike in your power to influence the minds and the buying power of so many hundreds of people that you must guard every single word you post on your PERSONAL WEBLOG KEPT FOR YOUR OWN ENJOYMENT. I mean, how can it BE that you could be taken in by the same news story that so many others were taken in by? Are you not perfect? And of course, all these well meaning people taking precious seconds of their lives to come here and type out (in what I'm sure was a painful search and poke process) exactly how stupid and worthless you are for stating what you did must be regarded as nothing less than martyrs and saints, sacrificing themself for your sake.

How could you DARE spread misinformation about something so vital and important as an MP3 portable player? The nerve of you!

I suppose that, now you are a vital news service like Fox News, you will have to check the accuracy of every statement you make. The poor folks who depend upon you to help them form thoughts could be so easily mislead. You've committed a grave sin with this error of yours, and because you have a PERSONAL WEBLOG, you carry a greater burden of responsibility for every letter you type. It's not like you are HUMAN or anything, or even that you made an apology and provided correct information. It isn't even that you have every right possible to say what you like in this First Ammendment protected media form despite who it cheeses off, or that you don't have to have comments or post an e mail address for asshats to send you insults and accusations. Oh no, because you HAVE this site, then you MUST expose yourself to any and all abuse the fuckheads of the world wish to heap upon you. Not only that, but you may be expected at any time to change your statements, thoughts, opinions, and perhaps your very way of life to conform to the wishes of all those who grace you with their trust and interest!

O Xkot, how can you even continue in the face of this outrage? How can you stand up with your head on top of your shoulders and your feet in shoes? Shouldn't you be under a rock? Or at least tossing ashes on your head and begging each and every one here for forgiveness? Personally, on your knees, crawling across the rocks and abandoned carparts in their front yards to their doorways, to plead and grovel and beg, saying:

"I'M SO SORRY I SPREAD AN INTERNET RUMOR AND I WAS FOOLED BY IT! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T PROCLAIM MY CORRECTION IN BRIGHT COLORS AND FLASHY LETTERS! I'M SORRY I INSULTED AN APPLE PRODUCT! I AM NOT WORTHY OF AN iPOD OR ANY OTHER DEVICE WITH A NAME THAT STARTS WITH A PRETENTIOUS LOWER CASE LETTER! FORGIVE ME!"

Maybe that would make it allll better.

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