Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Sometimes there's just no damned excuse

I am, at one time, very proud of my freedom on the web to do whatever I feel like at the time, and terribly worried about being rude to someone (accidentally, i should add. If I'm going to be rude, I want to enjoy it. Live in the moment and all that.) I got an email today that just made me smile. And then it made me feel terribly guilty. You just know I'm going to explain this in detail, don't you?

I read a lot of weblogs and online journals. I'm always checking other people's links to see if there's something new to add, and I've got a long list of links. I have looking at very long lists of bookmarks, so I usually divide them into subfolders based on how often I use them. T Efficient, no? Sites I view daily or almost daily are in the "Daily" list. Sites with less frequent updates go into the "Occasionally" folder. If site goes on hiatus, or just stops being updated, I will move it to the "occasionally" folder. When my lists get long I go through, cull the sites I don't really enjoy, and everyone is happy, no?

There are some sites that have bounced back and forth on my lists. If I get pissed off about what someone says, I don't have to argue with them. I delete them off my list and feel just spiffy. If I get bored, or just can't work up an interest, bye bye bookmark. No one hurt, no one insulted, everyone is happy.

Except that sometimes I don't notice if a site is back to posting. Or I just plain forget about it, or only think about it when I'm elsewhere and forget about it before I go look. Or something like that. Or I go through one of my "not reading anything" periods. Who knows?

And that's what happened. There was a site (I'm not going to name it) that I liked, and checked pretty frequently some time back. Then, for whatever reason, the posts got slow or my mood changed or -- oh, who knows, *I* don't even remember -- and I stopped reading it. I thought about it a few times, but didn't act on my thought or had something interfere. Anyway...the person who runs the site sent me an EMAIL today about MY return to online writing. And it was a lovely feeling, to be noticed and to hear.

And then I felt the crushing guilt because I had NEGLECTED this person. Oh, the shame!

I don't really care for crushing guilt. I'm trying to dispell it now because, well, I know that there's really nothing to feel guilty about. No, honest, there isn't. No, I am not going to type everything in my head in little italics like the chorus in my head is also on my weblog. I refuse to give my neuroses any more air time than they already get!

Anyway, so I found my old link ( at least I didn't DELETE it!) and started reading and remembered all the things I liked. So I'm handling it.

Sort of.



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